Oh joy! I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to introduce you to BLAED SPENCE. I’ve known Blaed exactly one year and every time we get together, I feel blessed that such a magical, strong and visionary woman is now in my life.

We first met for coffee based on a nudge from our mutual and dear friend Kristen Brown. (You will hear about this amazing woman soon). She said simply, “You two have to meet….now.” So we did. And we talked a mile a minute for a couple of hours. As we left, we both knew we’d be meeting again….and often.

Where to begin? I asked my daughter Kate to tell me about Blaed. (She is utterly in love with her). She said this:

“She’s an awesome and magical, wondrous, so cool friend to have. She is the star of all fairies and the awesome-est fairy fan.  When you meet her, she is like a light. And then I’m a light. And when the two lights come together, they make a fire of friendship.”

Blaed recently took Kate for an entire day steeped in the world of Celtic and Nordic magical traditions. Blaed is a true priestess and she taught Kate all about magic and fairies and the power of intention. They spent a good part of their day in Griffith Park dressed as fairies handing out fairy wishes to all passers by. Kate returned so full and joyous. It was a remarkable gift.

And I tell you this so you begin to taste Blaed’s ability to play and to teach and to honor the many kingdoms in nature. And I tell you this so you begin to feel her generosity of spirit. And I tell you this so you feel the energy of one who is eternally young in the very best sense– one who is wise of heart willing to be surprised and delighted by all she encounters.

Blaed is so many things. She is crazily accomplished. She is a writer, editor, content consultant, and creative strategist. Her business is called 4word. Love the name. She was one of the founding partners and senior editor of Wired Magazine. (Cool!) She is a storyteller and magic maker. She is fresh in her approach to whatever she touches.

I’ve watched Blaed this year closely. She is rare in her commitment and intention.  She is a change agent in her own life and the lives of others. And she is a connector. She is the queen of introducing the right people to one another at the right time. She is currently building a new work life as a screenwriter –or let’s just say building upon the immensely strong foundation she already has — but branching into new territory.  As she puts it, she is specifically interested in bringing transformational storytelling into the mainstream through network and cable television. She is being mentored by some of the best people in the field and is working as hard as I’ve seen anyone work to take the next right step.

Other wonderful Blaed facts: She is married to a wonderful man (a writer as well)– Colin Berry. They live in a beautiful loft in silver lake.  She jogs almost every morning and has a second degree brown belt in Go -Ryu Kempo Karate!  And I have to say she writes some of the best emails I’ve ever received. It’s as if she’s created a whole new language with some of the keys we rarely use! For the tiniest of tastes, read this:

*hey* darlin!

::deep contented in-breath::

dear GODS it was fabulous hanging out with you today!  crazy fabulous!!!

***

In fact, you must hear more from her writer self. She describes herself in her work profile in such a captivating, gorgeous way, I have to share. I would hire her before I even finished reading the profile. Everything she writes is spot on. (I think we should all write a profile like this. It requires such keen self-reflection and awareness).  And on top of all of this, she has a beautiful humility and accessibility that is the icing on the already very rich cake. Here it is:

“I AM…..a talented writer, a gifted editor, a brilliant ideator. I adhere to the principles of quality, dedication, personal responsibility, and follow-through.

I AM….proactive, incredibly organized, ridiculously detail oriented. I have a keen sense of humor, and I don’t take myself too seriously.

I AM…compassionate, honest, polite. I believe Truth and Integrity will be the currency of the 21st century.

I AM….deeply conscientious, easily enthusiastic, and prone to hamming it up. I believe in the power of the collective and the gifts that come from open collaboration. i believe in diplomacy and compromise. I give freely. And I firmly believe in magic, quantum theory, and the truth at the core of every world religion.

I AM…an incredibly fast learner who thinks on her feet and processes new data a lightning speed. I’m an excellent communicator. I am highly intelligent, deeply creative and vastly hard working.

I AM….a heretic, an empath, a catalyst, a change-agent. i’ve dedicated my life to changing the world through story, and I am humbled by the power of storytelling. I’ve known since childhood that I’m here for the Paradigm Shift.

OTHERS DESCRIBE ME AS….a 100-watt bulb in a 60-watt lamp; a big brain in a small jar; an ambassador from the Island of Misfit Toys; the embodiment of Attention Surplus Disorder; refreshing as a glacial stream.

MY SUPERPOWERS ENCOMPASS….a white-hot intellect that excels at problem solving; the ability to easily discern patterns — and synthesize new ideas, approaches, and understandings — from seemingly disparate elements and categories; the ability to communicate any vision I believe in with passion, clarity, enthusiasm, and commitment; the ability to energize, support and inspire others; an incandescently positive attitude grounded in realism and idealism; a clever (sometimes incredibly useful) knack for stating the obvious; the ability to manifest (almost) anything I bend my focus and intention toward; and the desire to harness my super-conductive imagination for the powers of good.

***

I can’t believe it’s only been one year since I met Blaed and I am thrilled to know that we  get to grow together as friends and women with a mission (!) for many years to come.

Friends,

I wrote this poem a few weeks ago and am now trying to live it. Big love.

Nameless

We are not who we say we are.
And we say it too much.
There are no words for that name.
None full enough.
Our name holds all the sounds
of silence.

We are not who we say we are
Though we insist it is so.
How dreadful the list of achievements
pasted on our body
for all to see.

Maybe we should listen for the name
the sky has to offer.
Or the Redwood.
It would be loving and infinitely simple.

Let’s lay each name
we’ve ever spoken
into a greater flame.

Let’s soften the grasp
on what is only ours
and breathe the terror
and flush of freedom.

Let’s be nameless
for a time
and
Listen.

Today while notarizing some papers–there with my husband and father-in-law– the chatty and sweet notary asked what I did for a living. “I’m an astrologer,” I answered with a bit too much emphasis, knowing how such occupations are received at small, boutique banks in the heart of academia. My father-in-law, an otherwise intelligent and generous man, promptly laughed apologetically — a laugh which I read as “ridiculous, isn’t it?” This once again sent me into a tailspin of silent frustration and the lifelong desire to be able to answer “accountant”- or something similarly innocuous– whenever asked for my occupation.

I wish it was as simple as saying that I have a father-in-law who doesn’t get what I do. That’s certainly unfortunate, but definitely not the whole picture. If I’m honest, I am uncomfortable owning the title myself and so I project my own discomfort onto anyone who resists it in the world outside.

So, why would I quietly reject what I say I do?

Early in my career, I had doubts about my work. I prepared for hours before I did a chart. Was I good enough? Did my readings have impact? Today, I’m excited and curious before a reading. I know I’m good at what I do. And I know I make a difference in people’s lives. And I actually LOVE being in the room with a client and finding the keys that unlock the magic of the chart.

So, it’s not doubt in my ability that makes me uncomfortable saying I’m an astrologer. There are two reasons that make sense to me.   The first is more obvious: I’m embarrassed that I’m part of a profession that so many people look at with derision. Simply put, there’s a part of me that wants to belong, that wants it simple, that wants to climb a traditional ladder. Obviously, this is not the path I’m carving out in this lifetime, but I have to admit that in the quiet corners of my being, I feel the part that wants it simpler, less complicated–the part that doesn’t want to be speaking a different language in a place where few know the words.

The second reason is more subtle. It has to do with the frustration of the title ‘astrologer’ not really fitting the WHOLE of what I do. (Do we all feel this way?) That is, I’m charting territory that is new (or so it feels) and I’m using many different tools. One of the tools is astrology. But I am also profoundly interested in how we all can learn to love another or see one another as love. I’m interested in embodiment and the power of living something fully in the body. I’m interested in writing and reading poetry and offering it as a gift of self-revelation.

In the last few years, I have named what I do “Liberating love through Astrology and the Expressive Arts.” Of course that isn’t a job title but it comes closer to capturing my quest. Whenever we talk about unfolding our capacity to love more deeply, it’s not something easily named.

But I want a name! I want a name that allows me to breathe deeply as I say it. I want to offer what I do as a blessing and perhaps a curiosity but with full commitment. I want my whole body to radiantly say “YES! I get to answer this question! I get to tell you what I do.”

Oh friends, it’s strange. My work requires that I’m comfortable off the beaten track, and yet, to be honest, I’m not a totally road-less-traveled person.  My work requires that I have a deep inner silence unruffled by the expectation or reaction of others.  And in truth I have worked many years to learn to uncover and maintain that silence.  Doesn’t all our deepest work require that?

One of my mother-in-law’s favorite stories about my husband is that when he was a little boy, he was building a sandcastle at the beach with great joy and intensity. At some point, his sister came over and surprised him by dumping a huge bucket of water on his head. His only reaction was to wipe the water from his eyes, shake his head and continue his project.

May we all be so unruffled as we pursue what we most love.

And may the ongoing search for our true work identity be a seamless part of gracefully unfolding who we truly are.

******

**Friend Friday will return next week.

It’s my daughter’s 7th Birthday today. She’s such a little girl now– so full of wonder and wisdom. I am grateful everyday that she is my daughter.

I wrote this poem while on retreat in Ojai and I dedicate it to her today. I think she already knows what it took me many years to discover.

The Kiss of Sky

I sit in a rusty white chair
at the center of a grassy field.

The green lushness of mountain before me
cuts into unceasing blue.

I breathe
to stand with the row of trees
that line the highest ridge.
We offer ourselves
to light’s kiss
unfurling to receive the gift of sky.

Here I see why we must
fall to our knees
in our greatest moments of victory.

At the summit
there are no words
to name the infinite.
All we achieve must melt
into awe.

Here at the threshold of
ancient earth and boundless sky
we have this:
Our tender body.
Our breath.
Our beating heart.

And our yearning
our deepest yearning
to be touched
by unfathomable
astonishing
love.

Meet Manny Treeson.

My heart does a little happy dance when I think of Manny. We’ve known each other a LONG time. I met him in 10th grade at auditions for The Crucible. We were both cast in the show and became fast friends. He lived just a few blocks from my house and we’d walk to and from rehearsals together. (In our senior year, I remember that we were in a musical together and danced all the way home).

Manny was (and is) a great cook. One of our first times just hanging out, he made me cream cheese brownies. They were scrumptious. And later, when we had a whole little gaggle of friends, we would always hang out at Manny’s house. He would make us all elaborate dinners. We felt so grown up. His parents were incredibly generous in that they always disappeared whenever we arrived. (The teenagers got to rule the house!)

We were all good kids. A bunch of us in our group of friends LOVED the theater and that’s where you’d find us every hour outside of regular classes. Manny and I did Street Scene together and The Night Thoreau Spent in Jail. We did I Remember Mama and Carousel– to name a few. In senior year, we were both in Forensics together. (Is that what it was called?) We were in poetry and scene competitions. I remember winning once and romping down the aisle together.

Manny spent his summers working with his brother at Shakespeare in the Park in Central Park. His brother had a great catering business that sold all the food for the shows. Those were also the days when you stood in line all day to get tickets to see the shows. Manny always got us tickets and we got to see some amazing theatre. I loved those NY summer nights of theatre and friends.

Manny went to American University and then Carnegie Mellon for graduate school. He studied Lighting Design. That’s what he’s doing now and he’s really GOOD. His first love is theatre but that’s not how you buy a house. The great thing is that Manny has gotten to shine in all kinds of other venues. He’s lit many a movie premiere, concerts, dance recitals, car shows– you name it. One of my favorite projects I know about is when he got to light Pearl Harbor — yes, Pearl Harbor itself– for the premiere of the movie. Cool.

When we first moved to Los Angeles in 2000, one of the first things we got to do was attend the premiere of Remember the Titans he lit at the Rose Bowl. That was a cool way to start our time in L.A. At that time as well, Manny was a part of the Ojai Playwrights Conference and was doing excellent work getting new playwright’s heard.

His wife Cybele studied and spent many years playwrighting (you’ll hear about her soon) and she also has the Candyblog where she reviews candy five days a week. (It’s wildly successful and fun). Cybele has had to endure about 20 years of Manny and I laughing and talking about high school. We always apologize but we can’t help it. We had a good time in school.

Manny is kind and funny and really smart. He loves talking politics and knows how to debate. He loves Shakespeare too. Recently at dinner, Andrew and Manny had a good half hour of discussing how the monarchy is portrayed in Shakespeare. They were romping through the kings and queens in lively debate.

But really, when I think of Manny, I see this:

He’s in the kitchen– preparing a recipe he’s just found. He’s pouring us great wine in beautiful glasses. He’s thankful for his good friends near by. He’s light-hearted. He’s laughing. And he’s nourishing us all.

***

(Manny is in this picture too. High School Prom! He’s on the far left in the red scarf.)

I’ve been experimenting with NOW.
I’m prone to living in THEN or SOON.
I’m prone to being very much out of the moment.

So, yesterday I found myself driving down the street saying,
“Now I’m driving down the street.”
And then I took a deep breath.
And I felt better.

The rest of the day went something like this:
“Now I’m grocery shopping.”
Deep breath.
Softening.

“Now I’m checking my email.”
Deep breath.
Feeling of well being.

“Now I’m eating lunch.”
Deep breath.
This is nice.

“Now I’m dancing with my kids.”
Deep breath.
“Wow and I’m actually just dancing and having fun.”

“Now I’m folding towels.”
Deep breath.
They’re warm.

“Now I’m lying in bed.”
Deep breath.
This feels good.

It’s crazy simple.
And maybe no one else needs this quite the way I do.
But I’m finding it kind of mind blowing and lovely.

Try it.
(Not every 10 seconds — but every now and then).
Give it 24 hours.
Let me know what you think.

Now I’m sending Big Love.
Deep breath.

My friends, I am lucky enough to have spent another 36 hours here in Ojai –writing. I feel a rather profound internal shift occurring that doesn’t yet have many words. I know how important it is for me to have this time of silence and Self. I’m going to make a commitment to have this time at least once every 6 weeks. Everyone will benefit — my children, my husband, myself.

I feel a cracking open that has been long in the making. And it feels a little terrifying because it really feels new. There is nothing external now in my life that reflects it. But it is everywhere inside me.

Here is a poem I just wrote yesterday.  Big love to all.

Home

When it was done
When words were spoken that cannot be unsaid
The silence kissed my eyes and mouth
and whispered into the cave of my heart.

All my life
I heard the joyous music
in a village just around the bend.
And though the music was
wild and free and insistent
And though my heart
stirred from the strains I could dimly hear,
I never chose to go.

There was work to be done
after all.

But
After
All
when there was nothing left to do
but walk
in the last blazes of the sun
from all that was familiar

I opened my eyes
freshly kissed
and in wordless wonder
followed this beckoning ceaseless beauty
Home.

On Fridays, I’m going to introduce you to my friends–one at a time.

I’m going to do this because I believe when we are introduced to someone with words from the heart, they become a part of our community. Our community grows. Our circle of care extends.

So, I’m going to introduce you to people I love. And it may inspire you. You may have something to offer. You may have a message for someone I introduce. He or she may have something to offer you. I want to offer the dance of connection. I want to grow a community that is steeped in love and inclusivity and care.

Meet Paula Murray Cole.

Paula is easily one of the top five most brilliant women I know. She is smart, smart, smart. But here’s the glorious part. Over the last 20 years, I’ve gotten to watch her blossom into her compelling, deep, generous WISDOM. And it’s a sight to behold.

Paula and I were in the same graduate school class. There were 4 women and 8 men spending 24/7 together for 3 years. At the end of it all, we were either going to love one another or never want to see each other again. I’ll love and admire Paula always.

When I first met Paula, I would have described her like this:

1. Brilliant
2. Edgy
3. Crazy fabulous actress
4. A little wary
5. Precise
6. Worldly
7. Like an orchid underneath armor

She was the only one of the graduate students who had actually taken a year or two off after college before returning to school. And she was there with a great seriousness of intent. She’d ‘been out in the world’ and knew what she wanted to learn. It was amazing to watch her hunger to be better, to learn more, to perfect.

We got to be in several shows together and again, I got to experience her work ethic and her curiosity. She was never satisfied with what she had created until closing night. And sometimes not even then. She was always looking for ways to make the performance richer.

Paula’s resume is something to behold. Since graduation, she has taught theatre at Ithaca college, NYU, Hofstra University and  University of Illinois to name a few. And she is an incredible teacher. Her intelligence, eye for subtlety and understanding of the entire world of theatre makes her a teacher students simply do not forget. (In fact, in our crazy small world, my friend and former student Chris Haro became Paula’s student at Ithaca. I remember a conversation Chris and I had singing Paula’s praises.)

But there’s more. Paula is a ceaseless explorer and pioneer. As she puts it, she is fascinated by “researching the benefits of bodywork in facilitating the progress of performers-in- training; comparative studies in emotional and psychophysical techniques in actor training practices; studies on emotion and the brain, body, and senses as they pertain to the practice of acting, actor training and theatre making.”  She co-developed rasaboxes training methodolgies based on the work of Richard Schechner. (I’ve been wanting to do a workshop with her in this forever.) You just have to read about it. It’s fascinating stuff.

And last year she got married! I flew out to NY with Dylan and my dear friends Jolie and Elizabeth and I all drove up to the wedding. It was gorgeous. And it was a wedding where I could breathe deeply and joyously because I knew they were perfect for one another.

Oh, one more thing!  It’s just my own little happy story. Paula actually taught at Trollwood Performing Arts School in Fargo, North Dakota. I played a munchkin in The Wizard of Oz in their very first summer in 1978. It’s a magical place and it tickled me to no end to know that Paula was there 20 some years later working with the kids. It was two of my favorite worlds colliding. I loved it.

Paula and I have stayed close since school though we don’t get to see one another often. I think about her all the time and appreciate what she is doing in the world. She is indelibly in my heart.

My friend David Scully sent me a package of these cards a couple of weeks ago. I love them. Though you can’t see the back, each card has a vibrant color on the back with a list of many of the sign’s qualities all around the edge of the card. I think they are wonderful. You can order the whole set or individually.

He has other lines of cards too that just crack me up. (There’s a very fun line of “Love Postscripts” and “Sorry” cards)  He’s an Aquarius with a Leo Moon. He expresses through whatever medium he touches. (He’s an actor, improvisor, voice-over guy, designer…just to get started). But this line of cards really captures the Aquarius Sun. It’s unusual, smart and allows you the delight of discovery. Love it.

Buy them and send them to your pals! Or buy them for yourself and prop them up on your desk so you’re looking at your sun sign, rising sign and moon sign! Inspiration!

~A new commitment to meet myself and you in the hammock each week~

So I wrote a blog last Monday in which I pretty much invoked a flood. I wrote that I was tired of feeling closed down and was ready for whatever it took to feel fully alive. I welcomed the change Gods into my life.

And just a day or two later, I got exactly what I asked for.

Cross fade to me entering the Mac store. (My computer started malfunctioning on Friday. It was slow and ornery and none of the applications would open. I made an appointment at the Genius Bar that afternoon). Let’s just say I pretty much walked in and said to the guy, “Erase my entire hard drive without backing it up. I need that experience.”  Of course I didn’t say that. But in a way I did. And in fact, I hadn’t backed up much of anything for about 18 months. When the very kind and helpful Mac guy realized what we’d both done through a horrible series of miscommunications, he turned a bit white and apologized.

I sobbed all the way home. I called Andrew and sobbed. I called Maria and sobbed. And then I got home, changed clothes and hosted a dinner party. Our dear friends, Blaed and Colin were coming over and I wanted it to be a great evening. Andrew poured me a glass of wine. I took a sip, took a deep breath and suddenly felt…..well, light.

I looked around and thought ‘everyone is alive. The house is standing. I am happy in my life. I just have to begin afresh.’  And by that I mean, I have to re-write a LOT.

This, of course, has been an incredibly prolific and fulfilling last 18 months. I’ve led two retreats. I’ve taught 4 on-line classes. I’ve created new material for the classes. And had a glorious writing retreat in Ojai where I wrote about 25 pages of a new book and this poem and this one. The poems are what remain because I posted them. Everything else is gone.

But here’s the deal.  All the writing of the last 18 months was practice. Now I get to write the real stuff.

When Kate met me at the door because Andrew told her I was really upset, she hugged me and kissed me and said she was so sorry. She was lovely. Later I sat with her and told her the story of Nelson Mandela. I told her how he had written an entire manuscript over several years while he was in prison and how guards discovered it and destroyed it. And then I told her how–though it took him another several years — he wrote it again. This is the copy that made it out into the world.

I told her about how Elizabeth Gilbert in her book Commitment describes trashing a 500 page manuscript she wrote after Eat, Pray, Love because she realized it just wasn’t her voice. She started afresh and wrote Commitment. She said not one word was the same.

Both stories served as necessary inspiration as I noted over the next days exactly what was gone.

I’ve spent the weekend recovering pictures. My dear friends have sent many my way. I was able to recover many of the recordings as well. My astrology program is re-installed and I have a bright orange rose as the picture on my desk top. And, I’ve also planned another writing retreat for next weekend. (I planned the retreat, in fact, before all this went down). Interesting.

So, in the spirit of invoking that which keeps us on our toes and fully feeling, I’ll head off this Saturday to face the blank screen. May the writing Gods dance with me to bring clarity, vision and LIGHT.