My yoga teacher, Sofia Diaz, recently described the difference between intensity and pain in our daily practice. She said intensity was like a low hum in the body, stretching us to our limits and asking us to let go into something greater than ourselves. Pain is sharp and sudden and an obvious indication we should stop what we are doing. Many of us mistake intensity for pain. We pull back when we should drop further in.

A heart ache is an opportunity to ride intensity, to drop in, to open still further. Our hearts ache when the radiance and potency of the heart meet something other than unbounded love. Our heart’s ache because the intensity of our love is met with something we perceive as other than that love. It is in the moment that the heart’s fierce gift meets obstruction that our greatest thresholds can be crossed.

How many of us give up on love because it’s embarrassing or raw or too revealing? How many of us pull back from an another’s eyes afraid to stay too long or afraid what another will think or how we ourselves will react? How many of us make our love ‘nice’ instead or letting it flow like the wild and powerful river it is?

We welcome the sign of Pisces today at 10:18 pm pacific time. This is the final sign of the zodiac. It is a sign of culmination and synthesis. It wraps up the zodiacal year and asks us to leave behind what we do not wish to carry into the next cycle. In many ways, it is a month of surrender — a surrender into a greater love.

Let us remember that the heart can ache as it witnesses exquisite beauty. It can ache as it registers a remarkable act of love or compassion. It can ache because it wants to learn to love ever more. And the month of Pisces is a month to learn to love bigger, deeper, wider, with less boundary, with less reserve. It’s a month to stand open and willing to be touched. It’s a month to choose intimacy rather than escape. And remember-- intimacy can be felt as you order your coffee in the morning or as you thank someone for packing your groceries. It’s a choice about how you connect moment to moment.

This month, take the phrase “the eyes are a window to the soul” as a real and tangible truth — and meet the gaze of many. Look deeper. Love more. Let go of all (at least some?) of the emotional baggage or accounts you’ve been carrying. Put them down. Walk lighter. Uplift those you meet. Redeem what you can. Stand in a rain of grace and invite others in.

***

A poem for Pisces

by Samantha Reynolds of www.Bentlily.com

Love is Not Fragile

Who taught you
to be sparing
with your love

as though your heart was a bank
as though love could dry up

nonsense

it is as if the ocean complained
it was too
wet

love is not fragile
it is as common as breath

it is play money
it is a race
to give more

go first
say it with impunity

you think you will ache
with vulnerability
but the strangest thing will happen

you will nearly drown
with peace.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkePop5BU1Y

Can’t See the Video? Don’t worry. Click here…

http://youtu.be/pkePop5BU1Y

Let me tell you about strength. Let me sing a love song. Here at the center of my life I am falling in love with my body growing stronger. I punch, kick, push, run my way into a spaciousness I never knew existed. I am innocent in this land. I am IN love. I am curious. I am proud. I’m not holding anyone or anything. Instead I am reveling in the perfect jab-cross 1-2  that carries the whole of my strength out into space — impacting someone, impacting something. And I am unafraid. And I am present. And I am delighted.

So this freshness is a playing field for my careful little girl self-- who by the way — loved to stand on her head for hours — and sometimes on the sidewalk just to prove how strong she was-- perhaps indicating there was a quiet intuition of what was to flower much later. But this field. And this flowering. And this innocence.

And yesterday, I ran half a mile, hurled a kettle bell above my head 45 times, held that same weight and stretched forward into space lifting my leg as high as I was able — striking a balance — holding the weight and then from downward dog, dipped into push- ups that mostly found me flat on the floor unable to push through — but push through I did 30 times. And my arms were shaking. And I was good. I’m good. Good. And could I kick up to a hand stand. Yes. Yes. I can. I will. I’ll try.

And it was this moment — this moment of run and kick and lift off — when my little girl self leapt inside my woman, mother, lover self and together suspending for a moment in time --there was nothing but innocent abandon. And then together — as friends collapse on a couch, as lovers fall to one another after a long separation, as mother and daughter curl in on one another unable to distinguish where one begins and ends — we collapsed. My arms gave way and we smashed to earth.

But can I tell you how we were held with such love? We were witnessed in our collapse. Our arms had quite literally failed and it was okay. It was more than okay. It was an invitation NOT to get it right. And as I always laugh and cry at the same time, I did both, bathed in  innocence.  A little girl laughing. A little girl crying at last. My wise self breathing. Exhaling. My growing self recognizing that nothing and everything had changed. It was a divine failure ripping open the gates of possibility.

Today, my arms are still quivering. My heart is raw in the best way. I’m curious. I’m in love. I’m willing. I’m sloppy. I’m ready to let it rip.

Thank you all for your readership, encouragement and support on this Radiant Life Journey!
Big love!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXeH6rdd5g4

Friends! The Sun moved into Aquarius January 20 at 8:10 am pacific time. We leave the silence of Capricorn to rally our passionate troupes. Here’s the big question: Who do you want to be playing with this year? With whom do you feel most alive? Who inspires you, lifts you, awakens you? This month is the time to summon your allies.

Aquarius is the sign of the water bearer. Its phrase is “Water of life am I poured forth for thirsty men.” Aquarius as the world server wants to pour forth its gift for all in need. But Aquarius is particularly interested in offering up this water of life with his true peers. This is the sign of group collaboration and nothing thrills an Aquarian more than the opportunity to build something together. Cautionary note: It is easy to feel like the lone wolf in Aquarius as well. When we try to collaborate, all kinds of wretchedness can surface.

We might feel that there is no one that gets us, no one that sees as we do, no one as passionate about what we are passionate about. The moment we give into these inner monologues,  we have begun to radically limit ourselves. We must dare to sound our most unique LEO note consistently, summoning those of like mind and heart. The response may begin with just one steadfast ally, but if our LEO song is true and generous and  powerful and meant to “pour forth for thirsty men” then be patient and sing. Before you know it, you will have a whole “da-who-doray-Grinch-Who-Stole-Christmas”  chorus of allies singing your song.

Carolyn Casey, one of my favorite astrological allies, suggests we speak this out into the world.

“Let the winds of change blow through my life, bringing the most radically enlivening thing that could possibly happen. I am hoisting my sails. Parasail me into the place where I can connect with my allies, and together we can do the most good.”

Here, she is writing about Uranus, one of the rulers of Aquarius. She speaks not only to the willingness to dance with change but to actually strongly invite change into our lives so that it can do its work without our resistance. Bring on the change! Bring on the allies!

And remember, Allies aren’t always our best friends. They may be someone like Carolyn Casey who whispers to me through her excellent writing and inspires me to forge ahead on my journey. And remember too the words of David Whyte as you begin to sound your call:

….anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive
is too small for you.

Aquarius is the final air sign and wants to distribute, circulate and gather. Stay open. Be curious. Talk to people. Join forces. Do it differently. Gather for salons and share your creative genius with your pals. SHARE. Come down from your mountain top and offer it up. Experiment. Improvise.

Be the lightening rod for your bolt out of the blue. Then speak that inspiration, share it, dance it, engage it, sing it. Take a breath and in that silent moment between inhale and exhale, listen for the sweet sound of your approaching allies.

Everything is Waiting for You

Your great mistake is to act the drama
as if you were alone. As if life
were a progressive and cunning crime
with no witness to the tiny hidden
transgressions. To feel abandoned is to deny
the intimacy of your surroundings. Surely,
even you, at times, have felt the grand array;
the swelling presence, and the chorus, crowding
out your solo voice. You must note
the way the soap dish enables you,
or the window latch grants you freedom.
Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.
The stairs are your mentor of things
to come, the doors have always been there
to frighten you and invite you,
and the tiny speaker in the phone
is your dream-ladder to divinity.

Put down the weight of your aloneness and ease into
the conversation. The kettle is singing
even as it pours you a drink, the cooking pots
have left their arrogant aloofness and
seen the good in you at last. All the birds
and creatures of the world are unutterably
themselves. Everything is waiting for you.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=mapHoGBrd34

“…Heidi engages body, mind and soul in an atmosphere
of such complete acceptance, it is virtually impossible
not to rediscover the fertile ground of your authentic self.”

–Ben Phelan, Elevate

My friend Ben wrote this quote for me about 15 years ago. He was one of the first to attend my workshops in Boulder, Colorado. Back then, the titles of my workshops were: Risk, Radiance and Relationship, Write your Life~Act your Heart and The Alchemy of Love to name a few.

I didn’t focus so much on astrology as I did on freedom, delight and breaking out of old stuck places. I realize when I read this quote now — having recently uncovered it from the dark corners of my computer storage — that he wrote what I aspire to do. He wrote a kind of testimonial / manifesto.

I want us all to ‘rediscover the fertile ground of our authentic selves.’ It is from this authenticity that all beauty and potency springs. If we can return, rediscover, remember the truth about who and what we love and what we most yearn to do, we become unstoppable.

My Radiant Life Retreats have become gorgeous expressions of this return to authenticity. I’ve gathered more tools since my friend Ben wrote these beautiful words. I trust the process infinitely more. And I truly DELIGHT in the journey of exploration.

I want to share this interview with you. One of the wonderful women from my last retreat agreed to share some of her thoughts. Listen in. And if you like what you hear, check outTHIS and THIS. I’d love to work with you.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmyz-xKl5ps

“Lost am I in Light Supernal, yet on that light I turn my back.”

Friends, The Sun moves into Capricorn at 3:38 pm today pacific time. And while Capricorn has everything to do with purpose, intention and achievement, today I’d like to offer another perspective.

Most of us have not climbed a MOUNTAIN. I’ve climbed a large hill or two. I could even say I’ve climbed a SMALL mountain. But for most, the major peaks have not been scaled. We all have, however, imagined through film or dreams or our own power to visualize what that mountain peak is like. There is a clarity and a vastness and something other worldly. There is sky, sky, sky and nothing immediately present left to scale. I imagine everything slows down a bit at that summit point. I imagine there is a glimmer of something so much larger than our individual destinies and --yes-- a vastness that includes each. I imagine there is an exquisite simplicity.

The sign of Capricorn is known for its work ethic. It’s known for its power to climb, to lead, to scale, to intend and then go for it. Capricorns are the authors of their lives and run their own show. They have a seriousness of purpose that is unparalleled.

So, in another newsletter, I might suggest that you dig in and make your plans. I might suggest that you clarify your intentions for the year and that you apply yourself to the full achievement of those intentions.

But today, I will ask you to breathe in the stillness of the summit. And I would like to ask that you consider the verb “to summit” as well as the mountain top itself. So often we get caught up in the fierceness and inner brutality of THE CLIMB. We are not getting there fast enough. We are not successful enough. We are not powerful enough. The silence and stillness of the summit does not include these inner batterings. There is breath as we climb. There is quiet intention. There is EASE because we KNOW our victory IS. We know our success is inevitable. We know — in time — we will all unfold into our most exquisite offering.

Capricorn is deeply aware of time AND masterful in that realm. In the silence of the summit, time is not linear. Time is an ally. Time is how we grow. We must take the time to unfold AND relinquish our desire to control the unfolding.

Use this month to inwardly acknowledge that you have left basecamp and are on your way. Use this month to slow your step to a pace that is organic and nourishing to you. Use this month to feel your intention within like the most gorgeous secret- a pact unto yourself -- that has no critical voice. It carries only fuel for your summit experience.

Be one who carries the silence of the mountain in your every step.
Let the silence breathe you.
And you breath the silence.

All you intend for the good will come to pass.

******

A Poem for Capricorn

In Silence by Thomas Merton

Do you know how many people have said to me, “I’d love to come for a reading but it freaks me out a little to think about what you might say….”

Many people still hear ASTROLOGY and think fortune telling or think “Nope. Not a shred of Free Will here”.

I want to invite you into a very different relationship with astrology….And frankly, with your fear.

Astrology is a beautiful tool revealing our greatest gifts and our most stubborn obstacles. It is a science that helps us understand our particular journey amidst the journey of all living things. Just as the planets are alive and evolving, so too are we. And we are all in relationship with one another.

How do you STAND on this planet? What energies are working through you? How can you optimize your potential? How can you breathe in LOVE and POWER and BEAUTY and have them run through your body offering your unique prism and dance of these energies for the betterment of the world? (And your neighborhood, family, marriage…) You get the picture.

There is nothing to fear. Do we not wish to express our most authentic selves? Is self-revelation scary? Perhaps. But exhilarating as well.

“What will I discover?”  Who knows? But that’s thrilling. And you can breathe with it. And you can breathe in it. And, really, you can just BREATHE and perceive your life moment to moment and act intelligently and with love.

Astrology sheds LIGHT into our lives. It shines into our resistance and welcomes our wretched, crystallized, frightened pieces out in the light of day.

Astrology is a gorgeous MAP that whispers secrets of navigation. What’s the best route? What territory is rocky? Where will you need to be alert? When can you sail in the blue — breathing in the beauty of water and sky?

I want to whisper a loving invitation to all who are wary, “Take the leap! Open to the unknown. Be gloriously intimate with your very Self. Excavate. Come to know who you truly are and what you deeply want and settle for nothing less. Unfold the MAP and stand in awe at its beauty. The MAP of YOU. Explore it yourself. And then invite those you love into the gorgeous intimacy of your journey.”

***

Join me Sunday,  January 15th in Hollywood for a day of exploring ALL of this. Welcome the New Year by exploring the map of your life. This is a great way to get to know my work and to get to know YOURS. (It’s also a delicious way to continue working with me if we’ve already been playing….)

If you haven’t had a reading with me before, you can apply the cost of this day to your first astrological reading with me. Register today. And spread the word.

My dear friend Val and I were recently talking about our Capricorn moons — something we are often wont to do. As we were wrapping up our conversation, she said, “I think great compassion is born out of being a Capricorn.” Now, compassion isn’t a word often used with the sign Capricorn. Capricorn is most often associated with purpose, intention and a generally serious, no nonsense approach to life.

But, YES, I thought. Compassion IS born out of Capricorn, just as depth is born out of Taurus or laser like focus is born out of Gemini.

And this phrase--’ born out of’ -- is interesting. This means that the apparently opposing energy must gestate within for some time.  This means a ripening must occur before the energy is ready to be born INTO the world. This is a bit tricky because a Capricorn Moon or Sun person might show up in the world offering compassion but INTERNALLY offering none to themselves. A Gemini might show up with a penetrating mind but feel completely inwardly scattered. There’s something about a quality being ‘born out of’ a sign that also implies it must be at-one with the one who births it. For TRUE integration of these energies to occur, it must be integrated FIRST at the source.

Val and I were talking about the moon position but I think we could apply this to the position of the Sun as well. And for that matter, down the road, we might look at what happens if we apply it to all the planets.

It is said that the 12 zodiacal signs will eventually become 6. The polarities will merge. Aries-Libra, Taurus-Scorpio, Gemini-Sagittarius, Cancer-Capricorn, Leo-Aquarius, and Virgo-Pisces.

By using the phrase, “compassion is BORN out of being a Capricorn,” we are exploring what this merging could eventually mean. I particularly like this phrase--born out of — because it reflects the willingness to birth the new in our lives and not grow old in our habitual ruts.

Here is one go at the entire journey. Explore this and use other words that resonate most with you.

Cooperation and Careful Choice are born out of being an Aries.
Depth and Intensity are born out of being a Taurus.
Focus and Broad-mindedness are born out of being a Gemini.
Authority and purpose are born out of being a Cancer.
Creating community and empowering the group are born out of being a Leo.
Sensitivity and redemption are born out of being a Virgo.
Courage and a pioneering drive are born out of being a Libra.
Light and beauty are born out of being a Scorpio.
Connection and diversity are born out of being a Sagittarius.
Compassionate nourishment is born out of being a Capricorn.
Individuality and leadership are born out of being an Aquarius.
Discrimination and devoted service are born out of being a Pisces.

What’s gestating in you, my friends? Let’s bring it to birth.

Big love.

Have things been a bit intense of late? Can I hear a hallelujah? Wow. Everyone around me has been in the thick of transformation. The month of Scorpio is always a ride. It requires a full address of the darkness. It requires tenacity and it requires firmly holding a vision of the light. But now…..Ahhhhhh. Now we welcoming Sagittarius. No matter how much welove Scorpio for its intensity and power, we are all ready for the  the optimism and freedom of Sagittarius when the Sun moves into this fiery sign.  (And by the way, the Sun moved moves into Sagittarius at  8:08 am pacific time today).

Sagittarius brings momentum. It brings forward movement. It brings the big, gorgeous goal and the white stallion even shows up for us to ride on towardit. Jupiter rules Sagittarius bringing good fortune, generosity andexpansions of consciousness. Everything grows bigger, richer, fuller,stronger under Jupiter and the sign of Sagittarius.
The legs are ruled by Sagittarius allowing us to run, ski, jump, kick withvigor and passion. We STAND UNDER what we believe in with the power of ourlegs, our roots and our connection to the earth. And we UNDER-STAND the biggest ideas and visions and begin to make them our own.

 
Sagittarius is the physical philosopher. He wants to travel the world andcome to understand who we are as Humanity. He wants to be free and unbounded  and full of aspiration and desire. The KEY with Sagittarius is to gather all that gorgeous, vital energy and DIRECT it towards a tangible goal. This way we can become ‘the one pointed disciple’ of Sagittarius and harness all our vitality in the name of our vision.

 
Pay attention this month to Mercury Retrograde IN Sagittarius. Mercury goes retrograde on November 23rd and again goes direct on December 13th. (This might not be a ton of fun for Thanksgiving travel, but breathe and bring a good book). In general, during this time let the ride be an inner one. Dream. Envision. Discuss. But don’t necessarily focus on huge outer action. Mercury Retrograde is a time to turn inward and focus all your inner yearning, passion and visionary strength to rally around the goal. If you Do take action, be clear, one-pointed and lead with your JOY.

 
A (very) Sagittarius Song

To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go
To right the unrightable wrong
To love pure and chaste from afar
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest
To follow that star
No matter how hopeless
No matter how far
To fight for the right
Without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell
For a heavenly cause
And I know if I’ll only be true
To this glorious quest
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm
When I’m laid to my rest

And the world will be better for this
That one man, scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage
To reach the unreachable star